R U Okay? Blog

Each year, R U OK? Day reminds us of the power behind a simple question. But more than just a slogan, it’s a call to action: to check in with those around us, to notice the signs of struggle, and to be a safe space when someone needs it most. 

Mental health conversations can feel intimidating — we worry about saying the wrong thing, or not knowing how to help. But the truth is, you don’t have to be a therapist to make a difference. You just have to show up with compassion, curiosity, and a willingness to listen. 

This blog is a practical, psychology-informed guide to asking “R U OK?” and responding supportively if someone says they’re not. Whether it’s a friend, colleague, or loved one, you can be a meaningful part of their support system — even in the smallest of ways. 

Why Asking Matters 

People experiencing mental distress often feel isolated, misunderstood, or unsure how to open up. Asking “Are you OK?” creates an opportunity. It signals that someone cares — and that connection in itself can be deeply healing. 

Research in mental health and suicide prevention shows that early intervention, peer support, and simple human connection can make a real difference. Sometimes, what someone needs most is not advice or solutions, but simply to feel heard and seen. 

But how do we start the conversation — especially if we’re nervous? That’s where a little preparation helps. 

Before You Ask: Things to Keep in Mind 

• Choose the right time and place. Find a private, quiet moment where the other person feels safe and not rushed. 

• Be mentally present. Make sure you’re in a calm headspace where you can give your full attention. 

• Be prepared for any answer. Someone may say they’re fine, even if they’re not — or they may open up more than you expect. Be ready to listen either way. 

How to Ask “R U OK?” — With Care and Intention 

Here are a few tips, grounded in psychological first aid principles, to help guide your conversation: 

1. Ask with openness and empathy 

A simple, gentle approach works best. Avoid sounding rehearsed or overly serious. 

Try: 

“Hey, I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed yourself lately — are you OK?”
“I just wanted to check in. How are things going for you at the moment?” 

Let your tone be soft and genuine. A calm, non-judgemental presence encourages openness. 

2. Listen — really listen 

This is the heart of it. Your job is not to fix, advise, or compare — it’s to hold space for whatever the other person wants to share. 

Use active listening skills: 

• Maintain eye contact 

• Nod gently or offer brief verbal affirmations (“That sounds really tough”, “I hear you”) 

• Allow silence — it gives space for thought 

• Reflect back what you’re hearing (“It sounds like you’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately”) 

Avoid interrupting or shifting the focus to yourself (“I know exactly how you feel…”). Right now, it’s about them. 

3. Avoid judgement or minimising 

Phrases like “It could be worse” or “At least…” can unintentionally shut someone down. Even well-meaning reassurance like “You’ll be fine!” can feel dismissive. 

Instead, validate their experience: 

“That sounds incredibly hard.”
“It makes sense that you’d feel that way.” 

Validation doesn’t mean agreeing — it means recognising someone’s feelings as real and understandable. 

If They Say They’re Not OK 

If someone tells you they’re struggling, first: thank them for being honest. It takes courage to open up. 

Next, ask how you can support them. You might say: 

“Thanks for sharing that — I’m really glad you told me. What would help right now?”
“Would it be OK if we talked more about what’s been going on?” 

Don’t feel pressure to have all the answers. Instead, think of your role as a bridge — helping someone feel less alone, and gently guiding them toward further support if needed. 

When and How to Encourage Professional Help 

You’re not expected to be a therapist. But if someone is clearly struggling — with low mood, anxiety, hopelessness, or thoughts of self-harm — encouraging them to talk to a professional can be a vital step. 

Approach this gently: 

“It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot. Have you thought about speaking to someone like a counsellor or GP?”
“Getting support has helped me / others I know — would you like help finding someone to talk to?” 

Offer to help them find resources, book an appointment, or go with them if they feel anxious. 

In the UK, helpful options include: 

• NHS Mental Health Services 

• Mind (mind.org.uk) 

• Samaritans (call 116 123, free and confidential, 24/7) 

• GPs for mental health referrals 

If someone is in immediate danger or you’re concerned about their safety, seek professional help right away. You can call 999 in an emergency. 

If They Say They’re Fine — But You’re Still Worried 

Sometimes people don’t open up straight away — and that’s OK. Respect their pace, but let them know you’re here. 

Try: 

“That’s totally fine — just wanted you to know I’m around if you ever feel like talking.” 

Keep checking in over time. A single conversation doesn’t always create change, but ongoing support often does. 

Take Care of Yourself, Too 

Supporting someone else can be emotionally draining, especially if you’re dealing with your own challenges. Remember to: 

• Set healthy boundaries — you can be supportive without taking on someone else’s pain 

• Debrief with someone you trust, or journal your feelings 

• Prioritise your own mental wellbeing 

You matter too. Helping others starts with looking after yourself. 

Every Conversation Counts 

R U OK? Day isn’t just a date on the calendar — it’s a reminder that each of us has the power to be a lifeline. You don’t need to be an expert to ask a question, offer your presence, and show someone that they’re not alone. 

Mental health support doesn’t always start in therapy rooms — often, it starts over a coffee, in a quiet chat at work, or through a simple message saying, “I’m thinking of you.” 

So this R U OK? Day, let’s be brave enough to ask. Let’s be kind enough to listen. And let’s help each other remember: being human is not about being perfect — it’s about being connected.