7 C’s of Resilience to Parenting

Building resilience – the ability to adapt well to trauma, tragedy, threats, and sources of stress – helps our children manage feelings of uncertainty and stress. However, teaching our children this resilience does not mean they can’t experience distress, or difficulty. The great news is your ability to help your children build resiliency, giving them the necessary tools. Dr Kenneth Ginsburg, child paediatrician, proposes that there are 7 C’s of Resilience to Parenting. These are the integral and interrelated components to being resilient – competence, confidence, connection, character, contribution, coping and control. He believes that if want children to experience the world, with all its pain and joy, they need to be resilient. He developed the 7 C’s model to provide a practical approach for communities, and parents to prepare children.

Building on our first blog that outlines the 7’s of Resilience, this blog looks at how parents can foster resilience in their children. Read on to learn about the 7 C’s of Resilience to Parenting.

1. COMPETENCE

Competence is the ability to handle situations effectively; acquired through experience. Children cannot become competent without developing skills that develop their own judgements. This stage is not just a “I can do this”. It is children becoming competent by developing skills to make responsible choices.

HOW CAN PARENTS HELP?

• Let your children make mistakes, and the opportunity to make corrections
• Avoid the urge to over-protect, they will feel you believe they can’t handle a situation
• Encourage children to build and focus on their strengths. Acknowledge when they have handled a situation well.
• Do not lecture. Step ideas down one step at a time.

2. CONFIDENCE

Confidence is developed when a child believes in their abilities and is rooted in competence. They gain confidence as they demonstrate their competence in real situations. Through supporting your children and helping them gain competence, children will believe and be more confident to cope with challenges.

HOW CAN PARENTS HELP?

• Encourage development of traits such as kindness, integrity, and persistence.
• Point out and help children recognize when something is done well
• Avoid feelings of shame
• Do not push past what they can handle

3. CONNECTION

The close connections with family, friends, school, and communities surrounding, give children a sense of security. This develops strong values and helps children feel known, understood, and adored. This emotional safety net allows children to express their feelings and work out solutions to their problems.

HOW CAN PARENTS HELP?

• Express your love for your children
• Allow your children express their emotions to you
• Address conflict within the family, resolving the problems
• Encourage close relationships with others

4. CHARACTER

Children with character, enjoy a sense of confidence and strong self-worth. They are in touch with their values and are comfortable sticking to them. They can demonstrate a caring attitude towards others. They have a fundamental sense of right and wrong that allows them to stick to their values.

HOW CAN PARENTS HELP?

• Help your children understand how their behaviour affect other people
• Encourage your children to consider right vs wrong when making choices.
• Work with your children to express their values
• Be a role model. Actions speak louder than workers

5. CONTRIBUTION

If children can experience contributing to the world, they can learn the powerful lesson that the world is a better place because they’re in it. Hearing the appreciation when they contribute, will increase their willingness to make choices to improve the world. This will enhance their own competence, character, and sense of connection. They also learn that contributing feels good and is driven by a sense of commitment and responsibility, not pity.

HOW CAN PARENTS HELP?

• Stress the value of serving others and the concept of greater good
• Communicate to children that people don’t have the same privileges they have
• Teach the importance of serving others
• Create opportunities for children to contribute.

6. COPING

Children who have a wide repertoire of coping skills (social skills, stress reduction skills) can cope more effectively and are better prepared to overcome life’s challenges. The ability to learn how to cope can prepare them to overcome life’s challenges better. A wide repertoire of positive, adaptive coping mechanisms can also help kids steer clear of dangerous quick fixes for stress.

HOW CAN PARENTS HELP?

• Create a safe environment where listening, talking, and sharing are safe, and comfortable.
• Learn positive coping strategies and model these to your children
• Assist children in understanding the difference between real life crisis, and one in the moment.

7. CONTROL

When children’s decisions affect their lives, they learn that they have control. As they realise that their decisions have actions, they will make choices in a way to manage life’s challenges. If parents make all the decisions, children may believe things happen to them rather than because of their choices. As a result, these resilient children know they have internal control and make a difference.

HOW CAN PARENTS HELP?

• Reward responsibility with increased freedom
• Remember discipline means to teach, not punish
• Help children understand that events happen due to actions
• Focus on one step at a time

HOW CAN CBT HELP?

Fortunately, our Brisbane and Gold Coast offices are home to some highly skilled, knowledgeable, and professional counsellors, that are passionate about you work on, or improve your parenting skills. CBT’s highly experienced Clinical team are skilled in diagnosing and treating a range of concerns, including parenting concerns. We can help you work through the 7 C’s of Resilience to Parenting. Please download our referral form here and take it with you to your GP appointment for preparation of a referral.

Contact us now via telephone or online enquiry via www.cbtprofessionals.com.au to book an appointment and take that first step to working on your parenting.

Coomera – (07) 5551 0251

Nerang – (07) 5668 3490

Mount Gravatt – (07) 3102 1366

If you, or someone you know, required urgent help for grief, please reach out to organisations like Beyond Blue. Or call the mental health helpline on 1300 22 4636. If this is an emergency, please contact 000 or visit your local emergency department.

Disclaimer: Firstly, content on this website is provided for education and information purposes only and is not intended to replace advise from your doctor or registered health professional. Lastly, readers are urged to consult their registered practitioner for diagnosis and treatment for their medical concerns.