ACT Therapy & Values-Based Living

Do you ever feel like life is just happening to you?

Like you’re moving through the day on autopilot—working, scrolling, reacting, coping—without a clear sense of meaning, direction, or purpose?

This experience is more common than many people realise. It often shows up during periods of stress, anxiety, low mood, or emotional overwhelm.

From a psychological perspective, this can happen when we become disconnected from our values and instead become driven by avoidance, habit, or emotional survival.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a powerful way to reconnect with meaning, even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings.

What Is ACT Therapy?

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a modern, evidence-based psychological approach that focuses on:

• Clarifying what matters most to you (your values)
• Accepting internal experiences you cannot control
• Building psychological flexibility
• Taking meaningful action, even in the presence of discomfort

Rather than trying to eliminate difficult thoughts or emotions, ACT helps you change your relationship with them—so they no longer control your behaviour.

The Core Idea: Values-Based Living

In ACT, values are not goals to achieve—they are ongoing directions for your life.

Values describe:

• The kind of person you want to be
• How you want to treat yourself and others
• What you want your life to stand for

Examples include:

• Being kind and compassionate
• Being honest and reliable
• Being present in relationships
• Living with courage or curiosity

Unlike goals (which can be completed), values are lifelong directions.

Toward Moves vs Away Moves

One of the most practical ACT concepts is understanding your behaviour in terms of:

Toward Moves

Actions that move you closer to your values and the life you want.

Examples:

• Having a difficult but honest conversation
• Showing up for work or study despite discomfort
• Practising self-care even when unmotivated
• Being present with loved ones

Away Moves

Actions that move you away from your values, often to avoid discomfort.

Examples:

• Avoiding challenges due to anxiety
• Using alcohol or distractions to numb emotions
• Withdrawing from relationships
• Acting impulsively in anger or frustration

Away moves are understandable—they are often attempts to cope with difficult internal experiences—but they can reduce long-term wellbeing.

Why We Get “Hooked” by Thoughts and Feelings

Everyone experiences difficult internal states, such as:

• “I’m not good enough”
• “I’m going to fail”
• Anxiety, sadness, anger, or shame
• Uncomfortable memories or physical sensations

When these show up, it is easy to become “hooked” and shift into away moves.

For example:

• Avoiding situations that feel anxiety-provoking
• Acting out in frustration
• Numbing emotions through distraction or substances

ACT helps you recognise that thoughts and feelings are mental events, not commands.

The “Choice Point”: A Powerful ACT Tool

The choice point is a simple but powerful ACT framework that helps you pause and notice:

“In this moment, am I moving toward my values or away from them?”

At any point in the day, you can ask:

• What am I doing right now?
• Is this a toward move or an away move?
• If it’s an away move, what would a toward move look like here?

This creates space between impulse and action—allowing for more intentional choices.

Psychological Flexibility: The Goal of ACT

ACT is built on the idea of psychological flexibility, which means:

• Being able to stay present
• Accepting internal experiences without avoiding them
• Choosing actions based on values rather than emotions alone
• Adapting effectively to life’s challenges

This does not mean you will not experience difficulty—it means difficulty no longer controls your direction.

Mindfulness: Unhooking from Difficult Thoughts

ACT uses mindfulness skills to help you “unhook” from unhelpful thoughts and feelings.

This might include:

• Noticing thoughts without believing them automatically
• Observing emotions without reacting immediately
• Returning attention to the present moment
• Focusing on what matters most right now

Instead of fighting thoughts, you learn to notice them and still choose your direction.

How to Clarify Your Values

If you are unsure what your values are, try these reflective exercises:

1. The 80th Birthday Exercise

Imagine your 80th birthday celebration.
Who is there? What do they say about you?

What does this reveal about what matters most to you?

2. Emotional Pain as a Guide

Ask yourself:

“What does this difficult feeling tell me about what I care about?”

Pain often points to values we hold deeply.

3. Parenting Reflection (If applicable)

Imagine your child at 21 describing you as a parent.
What would you want them to say?

What does this tell you about how you want to show up today?

4. Worry as a Signal

Ask:

“What does this worry show me I care about?”

Worry often highlights meaningful areas of life.

5. Meaningful Memory Reflection

Recall a meaningful, positive memory.

What made it important?
What values were present in that moment?

Values vs Goals: A Key Distinction

• Goals are things you achieve (e.g. getting a job, finishing a course)
• Values are ongoing directions (e.g. being committed, compassionate, courageous)

You can achieve a goal—but you can always live in alignment with a value.

Why This Approach Matters

Living in alignment with values often leads to:

• Greater meaning and purpose
• Increased emotional resilience
• Improved relationships
• A stronger sense of identity
• More fulfilment, even during difficulty

It does not remove pain—but it changes how you live alongside it.

When to Seek Professional Support

If you feel stuck, disconnected, or overwhelmed by difficult thoughts and emotions, ACT-based therapy can help.

A psychologist can support you to:

• Clarify your values
• Reduce avoidance patterns
• Build mindfulness skills
• Improve emotional flexibility
• Take meaningful action in daily life

Call to Action

If you are feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or disconnected from meaning and direction, support is available.

👉 Book an appointment with our clinical psychologists to learn practical ACT strategies to help you reconnect with your values and live more intentionally.

We offer in-person and telehealth sessions for adults, adolescents, and couples.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

What is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)?

ACT is a therapy approach that helps people live meaningful lives by focusing on values, acceptance, and psychological flexibility.

What are values in ACT therapy?

Values are ongoing directions in life that reflect what matters most to you, such as kindness, connection, or growth.

What is the “choice point” in ACT?

The choice point is a tool that helps you notice whether your actions are moving you toward or away from your values in the present moment.

How does ACT help with anxiety and depression?

ACT helps reduce avoidance, build mindfulness, and support value-driven action even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings.

What is the difference between values and goals?

Goals are outcomes you achieve, while values are ongoing directions that guide how you live your life.