Marriage Counselling – The When, What, Why, How

What is Marriage Counselling?

How often do you have a relationship tune-up to make sure it’s healthy? What about repairing or healing emotional injuries? We take our car in for a regular service to keep it running smoothly so it does not breakdown. What about the most important relationship in your life? Marriage counselling is about maintaining your relationship and keeping you connected.

 Marriage counselling can help with:

• Deepen your connection with your partner
• Identify your unhelpful couple interaction pattern
• De-escalate conflict
• Increase understanding and awareness of each other’s needs
• Healing emotional injuries
• Rebuilding trust
• Identified shared goals and values
• Learn new ways of managing your differences
• Communication skills
• Dealing with separation and divorce

When to see a marriage counsellor

• Feeling disconnected from your partner
• Your emotional needs are not being met
• Feeling wounded from past hurts
• Rebuilding trust (e.g. after an infidelity)
• Wondering to stay or go
• Ongoing conflict, anger and resentment
• Unresolved issues, arguing about the same things over and over
• Sexual and intimacy issues
• Breakdown in communication
• Concerned that your relationship is heading towards a separation

Attending your first session can be nerve wrecking. Generally, you will both attend the first session together so your therapist can get an understanding of your relationship, history and issues. This will also help you both to develop a working relationship with your counsellor so you can feel more comfortable talking about your personal issues and relationship problems.

Marriage counselling involves listening to both of you without taking sides. Some counsellors will see the couple together as well as individually. Some will only see you as a couple.  If there are other individual issues (depression, addictions), your couples counsellor may recommend you also see another therapist to address these issues. Every counsellor has their own approach and may use different models of couple therapy.

If your partner is not ready to attend couples counselling, individual counselling can help you deal with your relational issues; and this can have a positive impact on your relationship.

If you want to get started on strengthening your connection with your partner, you may wish to download our free eBook that provides lots of information on practical communication skills that can reduce conflict and improve communication so you both feel heard and have a sense that your problems can be resolved peacefully.